Esther Stanhope’s confidence tips
Esther Stanhope’s confidence tips
If you want to own the room, read on for essential advice from Esther, aka ‘The Impact Guru’
You may look at me and think, “Wow she’s so confident.”
Even though I’d interviewed Hollywood stars like George Clooney and Sharon Stone and spent 10 years at the BBC as a senior producer, I used to be TERRIFIED of public speaking and being in the spotlight! That’s why I wrote a book on it! I’ve learnt to be comfortable on a stage by stepping outside my comfort zone and surviving the anxiety over and over again.
Yes I am a human experiment in how to overcome public speaking nerves, imposter syndrome and inner confidence issues. I am now a professional keynote speaker and travel all over the world to share my communication tips with executives and leaders. I still can’t believe I got over those nerves. I never would have been able to do my TEDx without going through this confidence boosting journey.
So, here are my top three tips if you want to be more confident in all parts if your life. They work.
1 – Step one. Stop beating yourself up and thinking you “SHOULD” be better or more confident. I find it incredibly hard to give myself a break. Start by being easy on yourself. Forgive yourself for not being perfect!
2 – Step two. Feel the fear, and do it anyway, (as the Susan Jeffers book says). Accepting the fear of failure and facing it head on is a challenge, however it’s essential if you want to stretch your comfort zone and grow in confidence. Stretching isn’t bad it’s GOOD, it mean you are living your life and moving forward. From public speaking to starting your own business – take that step…..life’s too short not to. Yikes. Go on, dare you.
3 – Step three. POSE. This is a very practical confidence boosting exercise you can adopt today. At the BBC I came up with this very easy acronym POSE…to help nervous contributors (and some famous faces) overcome their on-air nerves.
P – Posture – stand tall, shoulders back, feet planted – own the room instantly!
O – Oomph – energy. Make sure when you walk into a room you have good energy…a bit of welly will give you more momentum and “rizz” (charisma).
S – Speech – slow and clear with a few extra pauses will help you to feel more confident and in control immediately.
E – Eyes and teeth! SMILE. WOW this is an instant tip that lights up the room. There’s science behind your smile. Even if you are dying inside, your smile will help you look, sound and feel confident.
Good energy can be conjured up. Simply warming up by moving your body, power posing or walking on the spot will help your blood flow through your body. Add movement to a simple smile and you will experience a small dopamine hit! (Instant feel good factor). If you want to move the “energy dial” even more , you could try dancing and singing to an old fave tune like Blondie or Dua Lipa (if you are in private).
As for charisma? Well, “rizz” comes when you allow yourself to be more you! Yes, it can be learnt, it takes time. The work to build charisma comes from within, self-acceptance and being comfortable in your own skin. At the same time , if you are generous and you make people feel good about themselves, that will also boost your “rizz” .
That quote from Maya Angelou illustrates this: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
There you have it. In the nutshell, be kind to yourself, feel the fear and do it anyway and power pose your way to confidence!
And finally…
Re-launching yourself or ready for your next career move? Read this…
Tip – if you want to be Visibly Brilliant (not just technically brilliant at your job) do one thing a day to move yourself forward! Could be a coffee with an ally, a post on LinkedIn, an email or saying yes to a panel invitation! One thing is better than nothing.
A quick story…
One of my talented new-in-role leaders said to me the other day when I was running my “Speak like a Leader” masterclass…
“I’m so lucky, I’ve managed to avoid having to give presentations and ‘speak’ so far in my career, phew, thank God for that. I know I SHOULD really be getting out there, but I dread the thought of it.”
Secretly, I gasped a little bit inside. She brags about NOT getting herself out there. What?
“Oh dear,” I think.
And I tell her…
“You‘re amazing, imagine how successful you’d be if you could GET OVER that and share yourself with the outside world?”
If you want to maxmise your personal brand at work, you need to find opportunities to speak in public, chair a meeting or host an informal event – it could be a diversity breakfast or charity drinks.
My tip is DO something! A tiny step each day. That’s it. One thing a day will move the dial long term.
If want help growing in confidence and visibility…
Check it out The 80% Perfect Club, an online confidence coaching program!
T&L special offer – 50% off (You save £10 per month) Click here!
READ MORE: style guru Amanda Wakeley on dressing for confidence
